March 18, 2026

Gaslighting and Brain Health: Recognizing Manipulation and Protecting Your Mind with Dr. Jennifer Fraser, Ph.D.

Gaslighting and Brain Health: Recognizing Manipulation and Protecting Your Mind with Dr. Jennifer Fraser, Ph.D.

Gaslighting does not only affect your emotions. It affects your brain.

In this episode, Dr. Krystal Culler and Heather Elwell sit down with Dr. Jennifer Fraser, author of The Gaslit Brain, to examine what happens in the brain when someone experiences chronic gaslighting, bullying, and psychological harm.

*Please note that this conversation was recorded live during a live Neuro Nook book club discussion and featured as part of the Virtual Brain Health Center’s annual Brain Week series.*

This conversation connects neuroscience, workplace culture, and lived experience. You will learn how gaslighting disrupts memory, increases stress responses, and impacts cognitive performance. More importantly, you will learn what you can do to protect your brain.

This discussion also explores institutional gaslighting, why even high-performing professionals are vulnerable, and how understanding the science can reduce self-blame and increase clarity.

If you have ever questioned your memory, your judgment, or your sense of reality after a difficult workplace or personal experience, this episode provides language, science, and practical strategies.

What You Will Learn in This Episode

  • The difference between normal conflict and gaslighting
  • Why gaslighting is designed to create confusion
  • What chronic psychological stress does to the brain
  • How the amygdala and hippocampus respond to prolonged stress
  • Why highly capable professionals are often targets
  • How workplace cultures can enable manipulation
  • Why language matters in recognizing psychological harm
  • Brain-based strategies to strengthen cognitive resilience

Key Takeaways

  • Gaslighting follows patterns. Learning those patterns helps you see clearly.
  • Your brain is wired for trust. That makes manipulation difficult to recognize.
  • Psychological harm can produce real neurological effects including: stress overload, memory disruption, and cognitive fatigue.
  • Recovery is possible. Neuroplasticity means the brain can repair and adapt.
  • Awareness is protection. Naming the behavior reduces its power.

Practical Brain Health Strategies Discussed

  • Strengthen awareness of your environment and patterns of behavior
  • Build a more precise emotional vocabulary to better interpret stress signals
  • Prioritize psychological safety and supportive relationships
  • Slow down decisions when something feels off
  • Question assumptions and look for evidence before accepting claims
  • Stay socially connected during recovery rather than withdrawing

Learn More About Dr. Jennifer Fraser

Related Resources Mentioned

Key Message From This Episode

Gaslighting loses power when it is recognized and named. Protecting your brain starts with understanding how manipulation works and trusting your ability to question what does not feel right.

Support the Podcast

If this episode helped you better understand brain health and psychological safety:

  • Share this episode with someone who may benefit
  • Leave a review to help others find the show
  • Subscribe for future brain health conversations

Contact

Have a topic you would like explored on the podcast?

Email: podcast@virtualbrainhealthcenter.com

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Welcome to the Let's Talk Brain
Health podcast, a public health

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educational initiative of the
virtual Brain Health Center.

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I'm your host, Doctor Crystal
Color, and I'm so glad you're

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here.
On this podcast, I sit down with

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incredible guests to explore all
things brain health and

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Wellness.
Together, we'll talk about how

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to care for your total brain
health, mind, body, and spirit

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while sharing the latest brain
Health Science practical tips

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and strategies you can use
everyday.

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By prioritizing your brain
health, you're taking an

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important step towards living a
happier, healthier life.

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So let's dive in and welcome
today's guest.

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Welcome to the largest neuronal
gathering today in the kickoff

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of Brain Week 2026.
Today we are naming something

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many people feel but struggle to
explain, the experience of

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questioning your own memory,
your own perception, your own

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sense of reality.
What once felt isolating now has

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language.
And we all know that language

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matters.
We are honored to welcome back

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Doctor Jennifer Frazier, author
of The Gas Flip Brain.

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Her work connects bullying,
gaslighting, institutional

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behavior, and neuroscience with
clarity and evidence.

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This conversation goes beyond
identifying harm.

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We will examine what happens in
the brain under chronic

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intentional manipulation.
We will explore patterns and we

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will focus on strengthening the
skills that protect neurological

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and physiological safety.
I'm joined by my Neuronal Co

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host, Heather Elwell of Brain
Health Mentors who will

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introduce today's guest.
Doctor Jennifer Frazier is the

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author of four books and an
international expert on bullying

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and abuse.
After getting her PhD in

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Comparative Literature from the
University of Toronto in 1996,

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she held a faculty position
there until 2003.

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She later became an
award-winning teacher at 2

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university prep schools in
Victoria, BC.

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In 2017, following an
institutional cover up of abuse

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towards one of her students, she
left the educational system to

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found the bullied brain.
Bullied brain.com.

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Doctor Frazier is asked for
comment by media when bullying

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and abuse cases are in the news.
Her latest book, The Bully

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Brain, has been reviewed on news
channels including CTVABC in

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Portland, Global News, the
Canadian Broadcasting

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Corporation and CP24.
In addition, Pulitzer Prize

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winning journalist Rob Cribb
wrote about her work in the

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Toronto Star.
Thank you, Doctor Frazier, for

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spending your time with us
today.

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We really appreciate it.
I have something I'd like to

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share.
When you joined us in July 2024

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to talk about the Bullied brain,
the warning signs were already

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present in your research.
Now, watching events unfold

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since publishing The Gaslit
Brain, does it feel like your

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work anticipated this moment?
Or has the speed of cultural

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awareness surprised you?
Heather, I would say that it has

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been so slow for many people.
I think they feel that there's

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this kind of momentum.
But I've been studying

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gaslighting.
I was exposed to gaslighting 10

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years ago.
Once you start to see it and

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once you start to study it, you
literally cannot Unsee it.

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So for me, there's not enough
momentum.

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It should be much faster, much
more intense, much more full of

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demands for accountability.
Doctor Frazier, welcome back.

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You have been a friend of our
virtual Brain Health Center for

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a couple of years now.
We've had you on the podcast

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twice.
I will put a link in the show

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notes below.
You've been back on the book

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club, so it's been a year and a
half.

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Time flies, it seems like, but
the work you've been doing just

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keeps growing and mounting.
So appreciate you returning back

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to have a conversation with us
as well as to kick off and to

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learn about all the work that
you have been growing advocating

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for it since our previous
conversation.

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So thank you so much for joining
us again.

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It's great to be with you
always, Crystal.

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And I love to talk to Heather.
Yeah, no problem.

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Doctor Frazier Gaslighting was
not a common term in everyday

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conversation until recently.
In 2022, Merriam Webster named

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it Word of the Year after a
dramatic surge in searches.

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What did that moment signal to
you about what people were

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experiencing?
I think that it's one of those

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really destructive behaviors
that people are starting to

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realize the repercussions.
So we hear a lot about workplace

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dysfunction.
We hear a lot about geopolitical

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manipulation.
I think it's very front of mind

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for us.
We are tapped into gaslighting.

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We're trying to figure out what
is it, what does it do?

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Why is it dangerous?
How can I stop it?

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And yeah, that Merriam Webster,
when they came in with it 2022,

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I was really, I was amazed.
How do we distinguish between

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normal conflict and true
gaslighting?

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In a normal conflict, both
parties are trying to assert

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their perspective, their
experience of reality, what it

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was like for them.
There's empathy happening.

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So they're looking at each other
and trying to figure out if,

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wait a SEC, if I was walking in
your shoes, the way you're

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explaining it to me, oh, I might
have a different reaction.

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That's not how it felt to me.
That is normal human conflict

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attempts to understand, find a
resolution.

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But when you're dealing with a
gaslighter, that person is lying

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to you, and they're lying to you
in a very specific way where

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their goal is to destabilize
you.

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They are in the practice or act
of misleading you.

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So it's not authentic, it's not
transparent, and it's not

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honest.
It's false.

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This is such important
information.

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How does language itself
function as a tool of

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manipulation?
The way I think about this is I

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imagine a courtroom, and it's a
really good exercise for people.

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So when you're in a courtroom,
language is how the decision

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will be made.
Yes, there's evidence, and yes,

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there's all kinds of ways in
which we prove something, but

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the bottom line is it hinges on
language.

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And we all know you can sway a
jury or a judge by the words

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that you use to articulate what
happened.

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You can create emotional
reactions, you can create

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ethical reactions in people.
So language is the name of the

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game.
And gaslighters, unfortunately

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for the rest of us, are
extremely adept at applying

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language.
They can distort reality by

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using language.
And to give you a good example

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of this is taken straight out of
neuroscience.

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Let's say the three of us, we're
looking at an ice pick and a

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hammer and a chainsaw.
The three of us would say, OK,

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we're working to build something
and these are tools.

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But what we're not recognizing,
and this is where the danger can

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come in terms of language, is
the gaslighter is looking at the

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chainsaw, the hammer and the ice
pick, and she is saying those

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are murder weapons and I'm going
to use them that way.

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And they're never going to
figure it out because they

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believe that we're all dealing
with tools.

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They don't know what I'm going
to do.

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This is where language is
everything when it comes to

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gaslighting.
I feel like there's so many

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things to unpack around this
topic because just like you

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said, a lot of us have had these
experiences, but we didn't know

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what the word was to call as
their label and how important

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the language was.
And when we talk about

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gaslighting, I feel like it's so
hard to not talk about bullying.

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Even though this was your
previous book, I want to spend a

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few moments to at least
acknowledge this bullying

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conversation because one of the
things that really stood out to

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me in your book around the
gaslit Brain was this phrase.

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And I suspect every person
tuning in has had this

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experience or they've had a
conversation with someone that

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has said this exact phrase.
I was bullied because, and they

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give the reason.
Why is that phrase so

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detrimental for what you argue
about in your book?

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And why should we realize that
is a phrase we need to remove

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from our vocabulary and shift
the blame to who the blame

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belongs to because it's not us.
I should never be saying that in

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my story.
I was bullied because.

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Tell us about your argument in
the book, please.

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If you say I was bullied because
it's a red flag to yourself and

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anyone who's listening to you
that you are gaslit, what

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gaslighters do is they project
onto you their own issue.

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If you were being bullied and
the person is trying to

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humiliate you, they're trying to
degrade you, chances are

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extremely good, and this is
backed by decades of research,

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that individual feels
humiliated, they feel degraded,

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and the way in which they're
trying to manage their own

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trauma is by landing this at
your feet.

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A really quick way for people to
understand how this works,

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because gaslighting is actually
very hard to understand.

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It's complex.
And it's complex not because

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it's complicated.
It's complex because our brains

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are not designed to understand
that the person is aligned to

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our face.
We are built, our brains are

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built to trust one another.
You're asking your brain to go

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against its natural impulse,
which is to connect and to trust

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and to have that bond with
another human being.

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You're telling your brain no,
you have to be on high alert,

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you need to be very careful, you
need to look, etcetera.

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You have to watch their words
and that's really hard work for

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the brain.
So that's why we struggle when

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we try to have these
conversations about gaslighting.

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But basically bullying, if you
pare it down to it's essentials,

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it's two essential lies.
The first lie is you are not

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worthy.
The second lie is you do not

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belong.
As we know from history, as we

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know from present day, those
individuals who are abusive can

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build entire structures, social
structures around these two

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lies.
So basically when you say I was

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bullied, really what you want to
say is by a liar, I was bullied

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because and then put forward
whatever it is that they said to

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you because really you shouldn't
be believing in their lies.

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You should be very clear the
line between their harmful

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behavior and you're simply being
on the receiving end of it.

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And this is complicated by
institutional complicity.

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Because if you go and report in
the workplace, I've been bullied

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or harassed by someone, they sit
you and the other person down.

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They even do this to kids in
school.

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And they say this is an
interpersonal problem, as if you

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have 50% of the responsibility
for the fact that this person is

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abusing you, which is really,
it's really unhealthy.

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I'm going to give you one last
example that I hope clinches

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this for people in North America
anyway.

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And this is not true in other
countries, But in North America

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and in Europe, if you are raped,
you are raped.

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It's not something that you
caused.

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It's something that happened to
you.

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And then the rapist is having to
figure out and answer the

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questions and explain
themselves.

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Back in the day, not so long
ago, if you were raped, the

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fault would be with you.
It would be you caused this.

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You went to this club, or you
went to this apartment, or you

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drank alcohol, or you dressed in
a particular way that brought

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this upon you.
Although you were victimized,

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it's your fault.
And that's a gaslighting

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construct.
So getting clear on that is

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critical.
Thank you so much for explaining

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that.
I know that was a phrase that

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just stood out to me so much in
your book because I know I've

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been guilty of it and I've had
so many people say that as part

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of their story.
And it's been something that so

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many of us have internalized.
And then after reading your book

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of really advocating for the
paradigm.

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And I know that's where the rest
of our conversation is going.

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But to just be very cognizant of
that phrase that I was bullied

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because and what we can do to
advocate for ourselves or to

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start to change that narrative.
And so I'm excited to see where

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the rest of our conversation is
going to get go with you as what

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we're going to learn about in
terms of this playbook and the

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script of how does this
gaslighting follow exactly a

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00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:50,080
playbook that people have for
us.

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You write that gaslighting
follows a textbook pattern,

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00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:57,520
especially in corporate or
institutional settings.

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Most targets do not realize
there is a script unfolding.

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00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:05,360
Walk us through this, through
what the corporate playbook

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00:13:05,440 --> 00:13:07,720
looks like.
What are the common steps?

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00:13:08,480 --> 00:13:12,440
The corporate playbook, it's
constructed around the fact that

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00:13:13,080 --> 00:13:16,200
we behave in certain ways when
abuse is occurring.

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00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:20,200
And as Crystal was describing
it, we have these automatic

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responses and we're not taught
very much about them, so we it's

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hard for us to recognize them.
But when you have an abuse

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culture unfolding, which will
absolutely apply gaslighting to

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try and cover it up, essentially
try and make it seem like

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there's something else going on,
it's almost like a distraction.

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00:13:37,280 --> 00:13:41,240
Basically, you have 4 pillars.
So in an abuse culture, in a

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corporation, the corporate
playbook is navigating the fact

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00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:50,360
that you will have humiliation,
fear, retaliation, and

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00:13:50,360 --> 00:13:53,480
favoritism.
When those four elements are at

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00:13:53,480 --> 00:13:56,200
play.
Gaslighting is required to cover

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00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:59,680
up the fact that you have a
highly destructive dynamic going

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00:13:59,680 --> 00:14:03,320
on, which is considered
inappropriate in today's world.

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00:14:03,560 --> 00:14:06,640
So we like to say things like we
have 0 tolerance for bullying

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00:14:06,840 --> 00:14:10,440
and you if you asked any
corporation if they had 0

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00:14:10,440 --> 00:14:13,560
tolerance for bullying, they
would reply in the affirmative.

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00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:17,360
But the fact of the matter is
many workplaces, many

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00:14:17,360 --> 00:14:22,080
professions, many institutions
are, are rife with bullying.

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00:14:22,120 --> 00:14:25,640
It's even spilled into childhood
sports and schools.

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00:14:25,640 --> 00:14:29,920
It's so normal and so rampant
that we have to really take a

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00:14:29,920 --> 00:14:33,040
step back and say to ourselves,
what is the playbook?

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00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:35,920
Why are they using it?
Who is it really to protect?

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00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:39,360
And in gaslighting fashion, you
will be told that it's to

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00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:42,840
protect the institution.
And if you take a step back and

255
00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:45,560
you apply your critical
thinking, what you really want

256
00:14:45,560 --> 00:14:51,560
to recognize is gaslighting is
designed to protect the leader.

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00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:56,440
The leader is complicit in the
gaslighting, complicit in not

258
00:14:56,440 --> 00:14:59,560
dealing with the abuse, not
stopping it, not protecting

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00:14:59,560 --> 00:15:02,120
people.
And therefore they are working

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00:15:02,120 --> 00:15:05,160
double time to ensure that it's
all covered up.

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00:15:05,760 --> 00:15:09,360
It all hinges on silencing.
So you will have non disclosure

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00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:11,880
agreements being used because
you're not allowed to speak.

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00:15:12,080 --> 00:15:14,600
You will receive constructive
dismissal.

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00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:17,280
You cannot speak.
You need to go.

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00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:19,560
It's unbearable for you to stay
at work.

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You will simply be fired.
You will be potentially sued.

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00:15:23,240 --> 00:15:25,200
They can do so many things to
you.

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00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:31,520
And all of those things hinge on
keeping the lid on rampant abuse

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00:15:31,760 --> 00:15:34,120
and the facilitation of it by
gaslight.

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00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:39,520
I really like how in the book
you talked about if there's no

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00:15:39,520 --> 00:15:43,840
abuse, there's no negligence,
and that sentence really stood

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00:15:43,840 --> 00:15:46,200
out to me.
It really brought a huge

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00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:49,880
awareness of gaslighting.
Just that simple sentence, like

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00:15:50,160 --> 00:15:51,960
there's no negligence if there's
no abuse.

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00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:55,080
Fascinating.
Yeah, it's a really good point,

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00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:59,680
Heather, because it reminds us
how we're all human and we're

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00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:02,360
all very susceptible.
We're vulnerable to

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00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:06,520
manipulation, including leaders.
And leaders do not get training

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00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:10,440
when a leader is in position.
They would never imagine that

280
00:16:10,440 --> 00:16:13,400
they're going to cover up.
They're going to cover up abuse

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00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:15,480
on their watch.
No, of course they would never

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00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:17,320
do that.
But they don't know that they're

283
00:16:17,320 --> 00:16:21,160
going to be groomed while the
abuser is targeting the targets,

284
00:16:21,160 --> 00:16:24,480
the abuser is grooming, the
leadership grooming in HR.

285
00:16:24,640 --> 00:16:28,120
They're becoming such allies, so
close, so connected.

286
00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:32,160
They see them outside of work
and they're building a, a false

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00:16:32,160 --> 00:16:34,800
presence.
This is how gaslighters operate.

288
00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:38,440
And so I feel sorry for leaders,
but they end up covering up all

289
00:16:38,440 --> 00:16:40,920
too often.
Now I'm wondering if we can

290
00:16:40,920 --> 00:16:46,320
transition to going inside the
brain a little bit here of you

291
00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:51,000
described the overarching goal
of bullying and gaslighting is

292
00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:54,760
the idea is to essentially wreak
havoc on the brain.

293
00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:58,280
Essentially, it's when we cause
so much confusion, the only

294
00:16:58,280 --> 00:17:02,480
thing that the brain can do is
to essentially shut down all

295
00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:05,160
systems.
It's a no go on the all fronts.

296
00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:09,760
And so the brain cannot answer
the basic questions about what

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00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:15,280
is real, what is the reality
that the person is experiencing?

298
00:17:15,280 --> 00:17:17,839
You're left to question
everything.

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00:17:17,920 --> 00:17:23,560
Your own memory of an event, is
what you're experiencing real?

300
00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:25,599
Is it false?
Who you can trust?

301
00:17:25,599 --> 00:17:28,840
You're questioning all aspects
of your day-to-day life,

302
00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:32,800
especially in a workplace
setting or in a sports type of

303
00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:37,400
setting, where these gaslighting
instances are very much more

304
00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:40,080
common.
So what is happening

305
00:17:40,080 --> 00:17:45,040
neurologically when someone is
chronically exposed type of

306
00:17:45,040 --> 00:17:48,240
manipulation in the brain?
Can you walk us through that?

307
00:17:48,840 --> 00:17:51,880
Yeah, as you would know,
Crystal, this is where the bully

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00:17:51,880 --> 00:17:55,000
brain and the gaslight brain
connect and come together.

309
00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:58,240
Basically, if you can't, if you
think about the body, it's

310
00:17:58,240 --> 00:17:59,680
easier because we can't see our
brains.

311
00:17:59,680 --> 00:18:01,960
We have a really hard time
imagining them sometimes.

312
00:18:02,120 --> 00:18:05,400
But if you think of the body and
someone is constantly pulling

313
00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:08,840
the carpet out from under you,
you are constantly falling down,

314
00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:11,480
you're hurting yourself, you're
getting bruised, you're breaking

315
00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:13,640
your bones, you can't stand
straight.

316
00:18:13,720 --> 00:18:16,600
You start to hold yourself in a
particular way so as not to

317
00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:18,520
fall.
This is what's happening on our

318
00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:21,440
brain level, and it's really
important for people to

319
00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:25,040
understand that the brain is
being physically damaged by all

320
00:18:25,040 --> 00:18:27,240
these behaviors that do not
touch the body.

321
00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:31,360
You start to be on high alert.
For example, if you were looking

322
00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:34,400
at the brain on a brain scan,
you would see from decades of

323
00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:37,440
research that person quite
likely has an enlarged amygdala.

324
00:18:37,640 --> 00:18:39,960
That means their threat
detection system is getting the

325
00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:44,440
resources that should go into
problem solving and creativity

326
00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:47,480
and collaboration and
innovation, productivity.

327
00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:50,480
But you can't put your brain
resources there because you're

328
00:18:50,480 --> 00:18:54,200
funneling all your energy and
attention into the threat

329
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:56,480
detection system, because you
don't trust your environment,

330
00:18:56,640 --> 00:18:59,520
you don't trust your leadership,
you don't trust a particular

331
00:18:59,520 --> 00:19:02,080
colleague who's constantly doing
nefarious things.

332
00:19:02,480 --> 00:19:05,800
And this hyper vigilance is
terrible for the brain.

333
00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:08,800
Another physical thing going
back to what you were saying,

334
00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:10,800
Crystal, you stop being able to
learn.

335
00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:13,280
You don't remember, Your
memories are scrambled.

336
00:19:13,280 --> 00:19:16,040
You don't know how to attach
emotional tags to them.

337
00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:17,840
Is it short term memory?
Long term memory?

338
00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:21,280
All of that is because you're
hippocampus, the seat of

339
00:19:21,280 --> 00:19:24,360
learning and memory in the brain
is being bathed in the stress

340
00:19:24,360 --> 00:19:27,040
hormone cortisol, and it's
starting to shrivel.

341
00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:30,120
Instead of being healthy and
well and you trusted and feel

342
00:19:30,120 --> 00:19:32,920
connected to your memory and
learning, it's getting

343
00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:36,840
physically damaged by this
constant toxicity that you have

344
00:19:36,840 --> 00:19:40,320
to deal with in the workplace.
And then let's look at one other

345
00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:43,920
final clear indicator that they
see in the on the brain scans.

346
00:19:44,320 --> 00:19:47,320
You have demyelination in your
corpus callosum.

347
00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:50,560
Corpus callosum is how your left
and right brain hemisphere talk

348
00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:53,080
to each other and they have
different perspectives on the

349
00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:55,000
world.
And if they can't talk to each

350
00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:58,640
other and it can't be efficient
and speedy, then you are going

351
00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:01,520
to really not be able to
function properly.

352
00:20:01,840 --> 00:20:06,200
And that's just three examples.
And when I talked to Doctor

353
00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:08,280
Michael?
Merzinich about this, he said to

354
00:20:08,280 --> 00:20:11,480
me and the research, as
neuroscientists we're restricted

355
00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:13,680
to really look at one component
to the brain.

356
00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:16,560
So we get our funding, we're
supposed to study the corpus

357
00:20:16,560 --> 00:20:19,240
callosum, he said.
I would bet my house if the

358
00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:22,760
corpus callosum is being damaged
in this way and we see it on a

359
00:20:22,760 --> 00:20:27,240
brain scan, there's thirty other
indices in the brain of the harm

360
00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:30,160
that's being done.
We're isolating these parts of

361
00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:34,000
the brain, but the brain is a
vast network that works in all

362
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:37,400
together simultaneously, so you
can imagine the harm being done.

363
00:20:38,120 --> 00:20:42,360
And I think just in hearing your
description, it's overwhelming.

364
00:20:42,360 --> 00:20:45,640
People can understand why
they're overwhelmed and why at

365
00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:51,000
times they could just be frozen
in time to an extent of why You

366
00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:56,320
could understand why the stress
happened and the freeze almost

367
00:20:56,320 --> 00:21:00,440
when people say time freezes or
stands still to an extent and

368
00:21:00,440 --> 00:21:04,920
why you're going to have these
symptoms of burnout and fatigue.

369
00:21:05,160 --> 00:21:08,520
And it can be cognitive and
physical symptoms manifest.

370
00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:12,640
Psychological symptoms manifest.
The emotions will come out as

371
00:21:12,640 --> 00:21:14,560
well.
And I wanted to point out

372
00:21:14,560 --> 00:21:17,280
because in your book, you still
eloquently laid this out too, is

373
00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:21,680
one of the myths, I think around
gaslighting is it happens to

374
00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:24,560
people that are air quote,
unintelligent.

375
00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:30,280
Why is this so destabilizing for
even intelligent or experienced

376
00:21:30,280 --> 00:21:32,120
professionals?
Because it seems to be the myth

377
00:21:32,120 --> 00:21:36,560
that this is for people that are
unintelligent or lack workplace

378
00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:39,880
experience or experience in a
particular role.

379
00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:43,680
Like it may be you change the
role and it's a new role for

380
00:21:43,680 --> 00:21:46,520
your new industry.
And this is a myth that's

381
00:21:46,520 --> 00:21:48,800
completely been blown out of the
water.

382
00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:50,680
So would you like to lay notes
for that?

383
00:21:50,680 --> 00:21:54,120
Because this came up numerous
times in your book, but people

384
00:21:54,120 --> 00:21:57,160
will seem to give credit if this
is an experience that they've

385
00:21:57,160 --> 00:22:01,400
had, they'll attribute it to one
of those factors.

386
00:22:01,840 --> 00:22:06,360
Yeah, it's funny, it's counter
intuitive, but the very

387
00:22:06,360 --> 00:22:10,320
experienced, very advanced, very
educated individual who's been

388
00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:14,040
in the workplace for 20 odd
years, they are more at risk

389
00:22:14,240 --> 00:22:17,120
than the newcomer, than the
person who's just transitioned

390
00:22:17,120 --> 00:22:19,440
in.
And the reason being is they've

391
00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:23,200
built so many, they've built
hundreds of thousands of

392
00:22:23,200 --> 00:22:26,920
instances of connection,
community and trust between

393
00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:30,080
themselves and the institution
and all of the colleagues and

394
00:22:30,080 --> 00:22:32,680
the leadership.
So when all of a sudden they

395
00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:36,720
find themselves betrayed, it is
an incredible shock to the

396
00:22:36,720 --> 00:22:38,880
brain.
The brain cannot believe that

397
00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:41,360
it's true.
And This is why the brain starts

398
00:22:41,360 --> 00:22:44,400
to look inside.
It says, oh, I was bullied

399
00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:48,200
because I've been betrayed
because I'm maltreated because.

400
00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:51,400
And that's that is almost like a
defense mechanism.

401
00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:54,480
Because for the brain to
suddenly look at the institution

402
00:22:54,680 --> 00:22:58,440
and all these people that it has
relationships with and have to

403
00:22:58,440 --> 00:23:02,080
acknowledge that these people
are consciously trying to harm

404
00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:05,640
you is really difficult.
And this is where Doctor

405
00:23:05,640 --> 00:23:08,840
Jennifer Freyd's idea of Blind
to Betrayal comes in.

406
00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:12,080
She talks about family systems,
but if you think about it, the

407
00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:15,000
workplace is structured like a
family system.

408
00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:20,240
Your boss, your leadership, HR,
even that is the parental

409
00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:22,560
figures.
And they you're utterly

410
00:23:22,560 --> 00:23:24,560
dependent on them.
You're dependent on them like a

411
00:23:24,560 --> 00:23:28,760
child, no matter how
experienced, how advanced, how

412
00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:32,840
educated you are, they pay your
livelihood, plain and simple.

413
00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:35,760
They put food on your table,
shelter over your head.

414
00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:39,040
They control your career.
They control your reputation.

415
00:23:39,240 --> 00:23:41,320
And one of the most poignant
things that you read about in

416
00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:44,160
people who've been bullied in
Gaslight at work is the one

417
00:23:44,160 --> 00:23:47,040
thing that really hurts the most
is that they're going to be,

418
00:23:47,040 --> 00:23:49,400
they're going to lose their
family, they're going to lose

419
00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:52,560
their community, all these
colleagues that they care about

420
00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:55,720
and that care about them.
When you have an abuse culture

421
00:23:55,720 --> 00:23:59,080
unfolding and it can start up at
any moment, when you have abuse

422
00:23:59,080 --> 00:24:02,080
culture unfolding, people will
save themselves.

423
00:24:02,080 --> 00:24:05,320
So these colleagues that love
you and care about you, you will

424
00:24:05,320 --> 00:24:07,320
be surprised to watch them look
the other way.

425
00:24:07,320 --> 00:24:09,160
And they're doing it so that
they can survive.

426
00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:11,560
They're afraid.
They don't want to be the next

427
00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:13,320
target.
They want to remain in a

428
00:24:13,320 --> 00:24:16,000
favorite position.
They want to be a beneficiary of

429
00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:18,320
those in power.
You see it happen in families

430
00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:20,000
and you see it happen in the
workplace.

431
00:24:20,240 --> 00:24:23,960
But yeah, I appreciate you
taking the time to explain and

432
00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:27,200
debunk some of those myths
around gaslighting in the

433
00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:29,080
workplace.
And I'm excited now to

434
00:24:29,080 --> 00:24:32,760
transition to what are the
strategies that we can do to

435
00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:37,360
protect our brain around
gaslighting because there are

436
00:24:37,360 --> 00:24:41,360
things that we can do.
You outlined 6 proven ways to

437
00:24:41,360 --> 00:24:44,080
see the truth.
I want to move through each

438
00:24:44,080 --> 00:24:47,960
briefly so the listeners have
something concrete they can take

439
00:24:47,960 --> 00:24:51,240
with them.
The proven way #1 was to

440
00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:55,120
strengthen extraception.
What does that look like in

441
00:24:55,120 --> 00:24:58,080
daily life?
Exteroception is our way that

442
00:24:58,080 --> 00:25:01,600
our senses process all of this
massive amount of data that we

443
00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:03,400
get from our environment and
other people.

444
00:25:04,040 --> 00:25:07,680
This is a really hands on tool.
Everybody could start right

445
00:25:07,680 --> 00:25:11,720
after this talk, which is to
sign up for Brain HQ.

446
00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:15,560
So brainhq.com sounds Brain
headquarters, brainhq.com

447
00:25:15,960 --> 00:25:18,360
independently.
There's over 100 research

448
00:25:18,360 --> 00:25:20,280
projects that show that it
actually works.

449
00:25:20,280 --> 00:25:23,520
It works on a brain level and
basically it's just gamified.

450
00:25:23,520 --> 00:25:25,240
It's not really flashy or
anything.

451
00:25:25,240 --> 00:25:27,320
It's designed by
neuroscientists, so it doesn't

452
00:25:27,320 --> 00:25:30,280
have all the glam and glitter.
You put yourself through brain

453
00:25:30,280 --> 00:25:32,120
fitness basically half an hour a
day.

454
00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:36,360
The moment you hit 30 hours, the
research shows that you are very

455
00:25:36,360 --> 00:25:40,240
likely to be reducing your
progression into dementias or

456
00:25:40,560 --> 00:25:44,200
into Alzheimer's because you're
literally keeping your brain

457
00:25:44,200 --> 00:25:46,280
fit.
Keeping your brain sharp and fit

458
00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:49,680
is like working out on a brain
level, on a neurological level,

459
00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:51,800
and that's really what you need
for gaslighting.

460
00:25:51,880 --> 00:25:54,320
If someone's gaslighting you,
it's not helping you to go to

461
00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:58,160
the gym and do a bunch of reps
That's good for a boxing match,

462
00:25:58,160 --> 00:25:59,760
but it's not good for
gaslighting.

463
00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:02,640
If you want to get really
sharpened senses and really

464
00:26:02,640 --> 00:26:06,600
clear on the data that's coming
in and how you process it, you

465
00:26:06,600 --> 00:26:08,960
want to be doing half an hour a
day of Brain HQ.

466
00:26:09,360 --> 00:26:13,640
And I just want to say Crystal
and I have done Brain HQ and

467
00:26:13,640 --> 00:26:17,520
it's, there are so many wonder.
It's a suite of all these

468
00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:22,120
different exercises you can do
and there is so much research to

469
00:26:22,120 --> 00:26:25,480
support its use.
So I we are big fans as well.

470
00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:29,040
The proven way #2 was to nuance
introception.

471
00:26:29,320 --> 00:26:33,520
How do we become more aware of
internal signals without letting

472
00:26:33,520 --> 00:26:38,400
fear distort interpretation?
Interception is our internal

473
00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:40,280
systems and how they talk to the
brain.

474
00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:44,840
So really what you need to do to
develop your very skilled

475
00:26:44,840 --> 00:26:47,760
interception is to have a
nuanced vocabulary.

476
00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:51,120
Goes back to Heather and Crystal
really making us pay attention

477
00:26:51,120 --> 00:26:53,560
to language.
That is what it's all about.

478
00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:57,240
The more you have a rich
vocabulary to understand the

479
00:26:57,240 --> 00:27:01,120
body signals, the better able
you are to conduct yourself in

480
00:27:01,120 --> 00:27:04,320
life and to maintain your agency
and to be very clear about

481
00:27:04,320 --> 00:27:06,520
what's happening.
So to give you a quick example,

482
00:27:06,760 --> 00:27:10,280
we have a tendency to tell kids
a lot these days that they have

483
00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:13,400
anxiety, they have an anxiety
disorder, and we say that word

484
00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:16,240
to them over and over again.
Anxiety, we would be better off

485
00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:20,240
by saying to them, And this is
not to act like it's any kind of

486
00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:23,520
a mental health diagnosis.
That's important in that the

487
00:27:23,520 --> 00:27:26,520
experts need to do that.
But for our own selves and the

488
00:27:26,520 --> 00:27:29,640
way we talk to each other, we
want to say, hey, wait a second,

489
00:27:29,920 --> 00:27:32,760
is this anxiety I'm feeling or
is it excitement?

490
00:27:33,040 --> 00:27:35,480
Is it anxiety or is it
nervousness?

491
00:27:35,640 --> 00:27:38,080
Is it anxiety or am I feeling
fear?

492
00:27:38,480 --> 00:27:42,200
And it's this kind of nuanced
vocab gives us much better

493
00:27:42,200 --> 00:27:45,600
opportunities not only to
understand our internal signals,

494
00:27:45,720 --> 00:27:47,760
but to make choices about our
behavior.

495
00:27:48,400 --> 00:27:52,080
Proven way #3 was connect
neuroception.

496
00:27:52,320 --> 00:27:56,280
How does understanding nervous
system safety change how we

497
00:27:56,280 --> 00:28:00,240
design and lead workplaces?
The answer to this one is very

498
00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:03,760
sweet because except it's
massively backed by brain

499
00:28:03,760 --> 00:28:06,760
science, really.
If you want a healthy, happy,

500
00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:10,560
high performing workplace, you
want to build Co regulation

501
00:28:10,800 --> 00:28:13,560
amongst your colleagues and your
leadership and your management

502
00:28:13,560 --> 00:28:16,080
and your HR.
Everybody wants to have Co

503
00:28:16,080 --> 00:28:19,320
regulation happy, which is our
ability to calm down one

504
00:28:19,320 --> 00:28:23,200
another's nervous systems.
We are mammals and through very

505
00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:27,400
specific types of behaviors, we
can get everybody to let go of

506
00:28:27,400 --> 00:28:30,800
high levels of stress, which are
extremely detrimental to our

507
00:28:30,800 --> 00:28:34,200
brains and bodies.
Neuroception is our ability to

508
00:28:34,200 --> 00:28:36,400
read the environment.
Every single person right here,

509
00:28:36,400 --> 00:28:39,480
right now on this call has their
neuroception going like they do

510
00:28:39,480 --> 00:28:41,600
their exteroception and their
interoception.

511
00:28:41,880 --> 00:28:44,960
But your neuroception is going.
How safe is it?

512
00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:46,920
And if you can answer, you know
what?

513
00:28:46,920 --> 00:28:51,720
When I go to work, I feel safe.
It comes from kindness and

514
00:28:51,720 --> 00:28:55,960
compassion and connection and we
all crave it and hunger for it

515
00:28:55,960 --> 00:29:00,320
and our health depends on it.
All workplaces that want to have

516
00:29:00,320 --> 00:29:03,400
healthy, happy, high performing
workplaces, you really need to

517
00:29:03,400 --> 00:29:05,880
put an emphasis on connection
and compassion.

518
00:29:06,560 --> 00:29:09,760
Proven way #4 was to choose
perception.

519
00:29:10,080 --> 00:29:14,000
You use the term dishabituation
entrepreneur.

520
00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:18,280
What does that mean in practice?
One of our brains greatest

521
00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:21,880
weaknesses, vulnerabilities for
all of us is that we can

522
00:29:21,880 --> 00:29:24,920
normalize or habituate to
anything.

523
00:29:25,120 --> 00:29:29,200
And we've seen in history times
where people have habituated to

524
00:29:29,640 --> 00:29:34,000
the most heinous and horrendous
behaviors that their brain

525
00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:37,440
literally saw so frequently that
they normalize it as simply

526
00:29:37,440 --> 00:29:39,520
doing a job.
I was following orders.

527
00:29:39,640 --> 00:29:41,400
I was doing a job.
And that's what you'll hear

528
00:29:41,400 --> 00:29:43,360
people actually say in a court
of law.

529
00:29:43,760 --> 00:29:48,200
And that's how much our brains
can make terrible things like

530
00:29:48,200 --> 00:29:50,400
highly abusive workplaces
normal.

531
00:29:50,720 --> 00:29:52,520
And we talked about blind to
betrayal.

532
00:29:52,520 --> 00:29:54,920
We look the other way because
it's how we survive.

533
00:29:54,920 --> 00:29:56,520
It's how we keep getting our
paycheck.

534
00:29:56,960 --> 00:30:00,840
I don't want to sound
judgmental, but it is a very at

535
00:30:00,840 --> 00:30:04,280
risk thing that we do.
The dishabituation entrepreneur

536
00:30:04,280 --> 00:30:06,800
is your best friend.
That's the person that comes in.

537
00:30:06,960 --> 00:30:09,480
And This is why newcomers in the
workplace and newcomers into

538
00:30:09,480 --> 00:30:11,720
one's country are so
advantageous.

539
00:30:11,920 --> 00:30:14,920
They bring that fresh energy and
that kind of critical eye and

540
00:30:14,920 --> 00:30:17,160
they say, wait a SEC, why are
you guys doing this?

541
00:30:17,360 --> 00:30:20,880
Why do you do it this way?
Why is the status quo?

542
00:30:21,080 --> 00:30:24,480
And as soon as you get that kind
of skeptical question asking,

543
00:30:24,680 --> 00:30:28,240
really thinking and pausing and
talking about stuff, you're

544
00:30:28,240 --> 00:30:31,440
creating a dishabituation
moment, which is healthy.

545
00:30:32,160 --> 00:30:37,520
Proven way #5 was to think slow.
How does slowing down decision

546
00:30:37,520 --> 00:30:40,040
making protect us from
manipulation?

547
00:30:40,640 --> 00:30:44,240
Another risk that our brains
present to us is that we are

548
00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:46,600
always trying to conserve brain
energy.

549
00:30:46,880 --> 00:30:51,280
Our brains have massive amounts
of work to do 24/7 and so they

550
00:30:51,280 --> 00:30:56,760
love to put things on autopilot.
As we all know when we drive, if

551
00:30:56,760 --> 00:30:59,440
we've been driving for quite a
long time, we no longer think

552
00:30:59,440 --> 00:31:02,040
about it.
Unless something bad happens, we

553
00:31:02,040 --> 00:31:04,480
are on autopilot.
We just don't even think about

554
00:31:04,480 --> 00:31:05,680
it.
We think about work, we think

555
00:31:05,680 --> 00:31:08,760
about our family, we think about
jobs and our To Do List.

556
00:31:09,080 --> 00:31:10,160
We're not thinking about
driving.

557
00:31:10,160 --> 00:31:12,160
We don't even remember driving
from A to B.

558
00:31:12,360 --> 00:31:16,040
That's autopilot.
When the brain is trying to

559
00:31:16,040 --> 00:31:19,960
conserve energy, it will lean on
things like bias.

560
00:31:20,440 --> 00:31:23,440
You will make a decision based
on the fact that your brain just

561
00:31:23,440 --> 00:31:26,080
says to you, you know what?
You know how that you can

562
00:31:26,080 --> 00:31:28,560
believe someone's, You can
believe them because they're

563
00:31:28,560 --> 00:31:31,040
really good looking.
That's how news reporters are,

564
00:31:31,040 --> 00:31:32,720
right?
They look great.

565
00:31:32,880 --> 00:31:35,040
And we believe that what they're
saying is true because they look

566
00:31:35,040 --> 00:31:36,920
great.
We have the mistake of believing

567
00:31:36,920 --> 00:31:40,160
that somebody in an expensive
suit is utterly trustworthy.

568
00:31:40,360 --> 00:31:42,560
So, so we are not paying
attention to the fact that there

569
00:31:42,560 --> 00:31:46,280
are snakes in suits.
And that is that's the term that

570
00:31:46,400 --> 00:31:49,320
advanced psychologists use who
study psychopathology.

571
00:31:49,560 --> 00:31:52,760
We will fall for the robes of a
religious figure.

572
00:31:52,760 --> 00:31:55,840
We think that we can trust them
and do everything they say and

573
00:31:55,840 --> 00:31:58,520
believe them because they're
dressed in the in these

574
00:31:58,520 --> 00:32:01,880
particular robes.
And that's how quickly our brain

575
00:32:01,880 --> 00:32:04,280
can make really serious
mistakes.

576
00:32:04,480 --> 00:32:08,480
So again, if you're concerned
about gaslighting, you're

577
00:32:08,480 --> 00:32:11,640
concerned about bullying
behaviors, you want to really

578
00:32:12,320 --> 00:32:16,560
separate out the profession or
the prestige and the power and

579
00:32:16,560 --> 00:32:19,320
the social standing credibility.
You want to separate all those

580
00:32:19,320 --> 00:32:23,360
trappings out the nice outfit
from what is the person's track

581
00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:26,360
record, what are they doing?
And you can write that down on a

582
00:32:26,360 --> 00:32:29,000
piece of paper and see a very
large discrepancy sometimes.

583
00:32:29,760 --> 00:32:34,080
I have learned so much today.
I really value your work.

584
00:32:34,160 --> 00:32:38,400
Really, it's incredible.
The last proven way #6 was to

585
00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:42,840
balance lateralization.
What happens when we over rely

586
00:32:43,000 --> 00:32:47,720
on narrow rigid thinking instead
of integrating both hemispheres

587
00:32:47,720 --> 00:32:50,280
of the brain?
The left hemisphere of the brain

588
00:32:50,280 --> 00:32:53,200
I call the opportunist, and it's
what keeps us alive.

589
00:32:53,200 --> 00:32:56,040
It's really important.
It's what makes us grasp

590
00:32:56,040 --> 00:32:58,800
opportunities.
It's the part that puts food on

591
00:32:58,800 --> 00:33:00,120
the table and the roof over the
head.

592
00:33:00,120 --> 00:33:02,960
So opportunist left side of the
brain, really important.

593
00:33:03,120 --> 00:33:06,680
But as you say, Heather, it's a
very narrow vision.

594
00:33:06,680 --> 00:33:08,760
You might even argue it's tunnel
vision.

595
00:33:09,160 --> 00:33:12,800
And in the research they talk
about left brain hemisphere is

596
00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:16,280
about getting, grabbing,
grasping, eating.

597
00:33:16,440 --> 00:33:19,280
It's all about you.
You get locked into that

598
00:33:19,280 --> 00:33:21,480
mentality.
And we see people in our world

599
00:33:21,480 --> 00:33:24,000
today, one of the most tragic
versions of this is the

600
00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:26,280
billionaire.
The hundreds of billions of

601
00:33:26,280 --> 00:33:29,360
dollars is not enough.
They can't get enough, and you

602
00:33:29,360 --> 00:33:33,240
see them driven to whatever they
have to do to get more or to

603
00:33:33,240 --> 00:33:37,240
protect this pile of gold, as if
they become a dragon, they're no

604
00:33:37,240 --> 00:33:39,800
longer human.
That's very left hemisphere.

605
00:33:40,080 --> 00:33:45,280
Now we can remain really healthy
and really bonded to our our

606
00:33:45,280 --> 00:33:48,680
planet into one another if we
keep the channel of

607
00:33:48,680 --> 00:33:51,440
communication, the corpus
callosum that we talked about

608
00:33:51,520 --> 00:33:54,520
open between the left hemisphere
and the right hemisphere,

609
00:33:54,680 --> 00:33:57,760
because the right hemisphere is
a place of incredible bliss.

610
00:33:58,000 --> 00:34:02,520
It's where the brain is super
connected to the vast universal

611
00:34:02,520 --> 00:34:04,880
network.
It loves the planet, it loves

612
00:34:04,880 --> 00:34:08,199
other species, it loves nature,
it loves all other humans.

613
00:34:08,400 --> 00:34:12,040
It feels the divine.
It's a glorious part of the

614
00:34:12,040 --> 00:34:15,320
brain to be in.
And so we want to never get

615
00:34:15,320 --> 00:34:17,360
trapped in the left and tune out
the right.

616
00:34:17,520 --> 00:34:18,639
It's.
Not healthy.

617
00:34:19,159 --> 00:34:23,000
I feel like it's empowering to
know there are things that we

618
00:34:23,000 --> 00:34:25,560
can do.
And I want to make sure we can

619
00:34:25,560 --> 00:34:28,920
honor the end of the
conversation of where is this

620
00:34:28,920 --> 00:34:32,920
going in terms of policy and big
picture thinking.

621
00:34:33,120 --> 00:34:35,840
And I want to make sure I read a
quote from your book that I

622
00:34:35,840 --> 00:34:38,960
thought stood out eloquently
around this issue.

623
00:34:39,239 --> 00:34:43,360
We live in a society that does
not train us effectively how to

624
00:34:43,360 --> 00:34:46,560
recognize the lives of and
gaslighting.

625
00:34:47,040 --> 00:34:50,440
We tend to believe our brains
are hardwired and pervious to

626
00:34:50,880 --> 00:34:55,600
verbal or social harm.
It is worth repeating, although

627
00:34:55,600 --> 00:35:00,520
so many still believe that being
ignored, ostracized, mocked,

628
00:35:00,880 --> 00:35:07,000
belittled, publicly humiliated,
laughed at, put down, demeaned,

629
00:35:07,400 --> 00:35:13,400
degraded, threatened, betrayed,
and so on only hurts or

630
00:35:13,400 --> 00:35:16,840
psychological makeup and our
emotional landscape.

631
00:35:17,120 --> 00:35:21,800
It is actually physically
damaging our brain architecture

632
00:35:21,800 --> 00:35:25,520
and function.
You argue that laws protect our

633
00:35:25,520 --> 00:35:29,480
body at work, but we lack
effective laws to protect our

634
00:35:29,480 --> 00:35:33,920
brains from psychological harm.
From your perspective, what are

635
00:35:33,920 --> 00:35:37,440
current workplace policies out
of sync with modern

636
00:35:37,440 --> 00:35:41,680
neuroscience?
To my mind, once you've read all

637
00:35:41,680 --> 00:35:45,840
of this neuroscience research,
you walk around in a state of

638
00:35:45,840 --> 00:35:49,280
shock and dismay that we are not
protected by laws.

639
00:35:49,640 --> 00:35:53,200
The second we would be protected
by laws in the workplace from

640
00:35:53,200 --> 00:35:55,720
this type of behavior that can
do physical damage to our

641
00:35:55,720 --> 00:35:58,560
brains, we would have instant
education.

642
00:35:58,720 --> 00:36:02,280
Everybody would get up to speed
on what is happening to the

643
00:36:02,280 --> 00:36:03,840
brain when we do these
behaviors.

644
00:36:04,200 --> 00:36:06,800
If many of us are raised to
believe that abuse is a

645
00:36:06,800 --> 00:36:11,120
necessary evil for great, when
you believe that you will commit

646
00:36:11,120 --> 00:36:15,480
heinous crimes against the brain
and the body because you don't

647
00:36:15,480 --> 00:36:18,320
know that really you're doing
damage, you're not creating

648
00:36:18,320 --> 00:36:20,200
greatness.
That's a lie.

649
00:36:20,440 --> 00:36:23,040
That's absolute gaslighting
right there.

650
00:36:23,440 --> 00:36:27,280
I'm extremely disappointed
personally in the dragging feet

651
00:36:27,320 --> 00:36:30,480
of the policy makers.
And I want to ask because you

652
00:36:30,480 --> 00:36:35,440
gave testimony in 2024 of why
that testimony was important.

653
00:36:35,440 --> 00:36:38,600
And I have to admit, when I read
in your book the person that you

654
00:36:38,600 --> 00:36:41,640
were up against and I
highlighted, he stated that

655
00:36:41,640 --> 00:36:47,200
psychological abuse was about
mindset and integrity and thus

656
00:36:47,200 --> 00:36:51,320
could not be assessed the same
way as physical harm.

657
00:36:52,000 --> 00:36:54,360
Part of me wanted to take the
book that I was reading and just

658
00:36:54,360 --> 00:36:57,600
smack myself in my own head of
what is this gentleman talking

659
00:36:57,600 --> 00:37:01,200
about in terms of an argument
from neuroscience or anyone.

660
00:37:01,200 --> 00:37:03,600
But I guess anyone can make the
arguments that they want.

661
00:37:03,600 --> 00:37:07,520
So what was your eloquent
opposition to him and where is

662
00:37:07,520 --> 00:37:10,360
that sitting in resistance and
challenges of the time?

663
00:37:11,040 --> 00:37:14,480
We have more than enough
information about the ways in

664
00:37:14,480 --> 00:37:16,360
which we can measure brain
damage.

665
00:37:16,600 --> 00:37:18,720
We can measure it in all kinds
of different ways.

666
00:37:18,960 --> 00:37:22,640
And as Doctor Michael Mersenich
says, the brain scan doesn't

667
00:37:22,640 --> 00:37:24,560
lie.
And if you're in a world of

668
00:37:24,760 --> 00:37:27,880
bullying and gaslighting, lies
and that is how your workplace

669
00:37:27,880 --> 00:37:30,080
is constructed, there's nothing
more important than a brain

670
00:37:30,080 --> 00:37:32,320
scan.
And we can see on a brain scan

671
00:37:32,320 --> 00:37:34,480
when somebody is in the dark
triad.

672
00:37:34,480 --> 00:37:37,960
We can see psychopathology on a
brain scan.

673
00:37:38,280 --> 00:37:42,600
Why would we not insist that our
leader that we're handing the

674
00:37:42,600 --> 00:37:46,440
military over to and the economy
and the nuclear codes, if we're

675
00:37:46,440 --> 00:37:49,960
going to empower an individual
to have control over those

676
00:37:49,960 --> 00:37:54,080
things, surely we would be
needing to have a brain scan

677
00:37:54,160 --> 00:37:57,400
done to make sure that they're
not psychopathological.

678
00:37:57,560 --> 00:38:01,200
We would want to be able to see
that and the fact that you have

679
00:38:01,520 --> 00:38:07,560
a workplace lawyer who's saying,
no, we, we can't measure harm to

680
00:38:07,560 --> 00:38:10,360
the brain.
That's mindset and integrity.

681
00:38:10,520 --> 00:38:13,240
My response was simply, that's
not true.

682
00:38:13,360 --> 00:38:16,160
That's not accurate.
I would like to respectfully say

683
00:38:16,160 --> 00:38:18,920
you are wrong.
There's many ways that we can

684
00:38:18,920 --> 00:38:22,680
look at extensive research that
documents the ways in which

685
00:38:22,840 --> 00:38:25,520
normalized behaviors in the
workplace do brain damage,

686
00:38:25,520 --> 00:38:28,280
physical damage to the brain.
It's visible on brain scans.

687
00:38:28,720 --> 00:38:31,680
It's a fact.
And that's probably personally

688
00:38:31,680 --> 00:38:34,040
gives the rub.
So I've had the chance to be on

689
00:38:34,040 --> 00:38:37,640
your podcast and share a bit
about my own gas lighting

690
00:38:37,640 --> 00:38:39,840
stories.
And you have given a platform to

691
00:38:39,840 --> 00:38:42,680
many people as well called the
Phone Cast Podcast.

692
00:38:43,400 --> 00:38:46,200
So if people have heard what
you've said and your work has

693
00:38:46,240 --> 00:38:49,280
resonated with them, where can
they follow you and learn more

694
00:38:49,280 --> 00:38:51,720
about that?
In the show notes below, I will

695
00:38:51,720 --> 00:38:54,960
give a link for them to find
your podcast so that they can

696
00:38:54,960 --> 00:38:57,840
TuneIn and hear other people's
stories and the work that you

697
00:38:57,840 --> 00:39:00,200
also advocate with your Co host
Anita.

698
00:39:00,440 --> 00:39:02,200
But where else can they find you
online?

699
00:39:03,040 --> 00:39:06,960
My website is the Bully Brain,
Bully brain.com really easy to

700
00:39:06,960 --> 00:39:09,200
find.
I write a regular series for

701
00:39:09,200 --> 00:39:12,800
Psychology Today called The
Bully Brain and I also write The

702
00:39:12,800 --> 00:39:17,080
Bully Brain brains sub stock
where I talk mostly about almost

703
00:39:17,400 --> 00:39:20,520
always about gaslighting and you
can reach out to me on my

704
00:39:20,520 --> 00:39:21,960
website.
I have a contact form.

705
00:39:22,360 --> 00:39:24,560
All my stuff pretty much is
quickly.

706
00:39:24,560 --> 00:39:25,960
Found there.
Thank you.

707
00:39:26,000 --> 00:39:29,240
And Heather and I always like to
end with the takeaways that we

708
00:39:29,240 --> 00:39:32,600
both have found of what we
thought were the highlights of

709
00:39:32,600 --> 00:39:34,400
the book that we'd like to
reflect back to you.

710
00:39:34,440 --> 00:39:37,720
Our favorite quotes from your
own writing, Doctor Frazier.

711
00:39:37,720 --> 00:39:41,920
So, Heather, you can go first.
We can hope that with training,

712
00:39:41,920 --> 00:39:46,080
stress reduction, shift in
cultural sanctions and a

713
00:39:46,080 --> 00:39:50,520
dedicated adherence to truth
over the lies of bullying,

714
00:39:50,520 --> 00:39:55,080
gaslighting and institutional
complicity, we can see a

715
00:39:55,080 --> 00:39:59,640
resurgence of effective empathy
and with it, holistic brain

716
00:39:59,640 --> 00:40:02,360
health.
And I just wanted to add a very

717
00:40:02,360 --> 00:40:07,200
personal thank you to how your
work has changed my life, my

718
00:40:07,200 --> 00:40:10,240
family's life.
When we spoke, when you came on

719
00:40:10,240 --> 00:40:13,760
and did the bullied brain, we
talked during that and talked to

720
00:40:13,760 --> 00:40:17,200
offline.
And you shared such valuable

721
00:40:17,200 --> 00:40:19,400
insights.
And at the time, my daughter was

722
00:40:19,400 --> 00:40:24,040
being bullied and we talked
about empathy and I gave her a

723
00:40:24,040 --> 00:40:27,760
wider lens to look at what was
going on, implementing the

724
00:40:27,760 --> 00:40:29,520
things that you talked about in
the book.

725
00:40:29,560 --> 00:40:33,960
I am so happy to report two
years later, the bully who was

726
00:40:33,960 --> 00:40:37,400
also surrounded by the community
and a lot of good mentorship

727
00:40:37,400 --> 00:40:41,000
happened, is no longer a bully.
The atmosphere is a

728
00:40:41,000 --> 00:40:45,200
collaborative atmosphere and it
has served the her whole

729
00:40:45,200 --> 00:40:49,600
community at school so well.
So your work, it is so

730
00:40:49,600 --> 00:40:53,320
incredibly valuable and I just
really appreciate you

731
00:40:53,320 --> 00:40:55,920
highlighting these important
issues, but then also giving us

732
00:40:55,920 --> 00:41:00,040
tools to handle these things.
Yeah, so thank you so much for

733
00:41:00,040 --> 00:41:02,560
being with us today.
And the quote I pulled was a

734
00:41:02,560 --> 00:41:05,680
little bit more towards the end
of the book as well of the

735
00:41:05,680 --> 00:41:08,440
combination of bullying and
neuroplasticity.

736
00:41:09,000 --> 00:41:11,720
So bullying and gaslighting
target your brain.

737
00:41:11,960 --> 00:41:15,440
Most of us don't know the basic
facts and vocabulary of brain

738
00:41:15,440 --> 00:41:18,240
fitness, but it follows the same
principle.

739
00:41:18,640 --> 00:41:22,120
It doesn't matter when you were
lied to, when you were attacked

740
00:41:22,480 --> 00:41:25,440
or maltreated.
You can set in motion, repair

741
00:41:25,440 --> 00:41:28,480
and recover.
You can come back even stronger

742
00:41:28,480 --> 00:41:32,040
from the injustice tomorrow.
The person that you see in the

743
00:41:32,040 --> 00:41:36,600
mirror can be stronger, more
capable, more livelier, more

744
00:41:36,600 --> 00:41:39,320
powerfully centered, and still
growing person.

745
00:41:39,640 --> 00:41:45,040
Neuroplasticity is incredibly
hopeful and what we tried to do

746
00:41:45,040 --> 00:41:47,920
was we put together a Neuro Nilk
prescription.

747
00:41:48,200 --> 00:41:50,880
So we had Doctor Frazier sign
off on the Neuro Nilk

748
00:41:50,880 --> 00:41:54,920
prescription from the Gas Flip
brain and that is to keep your

749
00:41:54,920 --> 00:41:58,320
eyes wide open.
Learn the language about

750
00:41:58,320 --> 00:42:01,840
gaslighting, bullying, and
institutional complicity.

751
00:42:02,360 --> 00:42:05,320
Pay attention to repeated
behavior patterns.

752
00:42:05,840 --> 00:42:09,160
Manipulation often follows a
script.

753
00:42:09,720 --> 00:42:13,040
Awareness can strengthen our
cognitive clarity.

754
00:42:13,640 --> 00:42:18,360
Jen, I want to make sure to ask
you, what is your final message

755
00:42:18,360 --> 00:42:21,120
that you'd like to share with
our Neuro Nook today?

756
00:42:21,720 --> 00:42:25,960
I just want to echo what both
you and Heather have said, which

757
00:42:25,960 --> 00:42:29,960
is that as long as we remember
that we have neuroplasticity, we

758
00:42:29,960 --> 00:42:33,280
can change our brains until the
very last day we're on the

759
00:42:33,280 --> 00:42:35,520
planet.
We can change bullying in a

760
00:42:35,520 --> 00:42:38,000
school.
We can change the child that is

761
00:42:38,120 --> 00:42:40,760
doing the bullying, the adult
that's doing the bullying, the

762
00:42:40,760 --> 00:42:44,240
receiving end, the observers or
bystanders, All of that can

763
00:42:44,240 --> 00:42:46,800
change.
It's the most empowering and

764
00:42:46,800 --> 00:42:50,680
healthy and remarkable thing
that we have today.

765
00:42:50,680 --> 00:42:54,920
So if people are feeling in a
little bit despair about the way

766
00:42:54,920 --> 00:42:59,400
the world is going right now,
just know that it just all of us

767
00:42:59,400 --> 00:43:03,200
working together to bring about
change is actually very possible

768
00:43:03,200 --> 00:43:04,400
from a neuroscience point of
view.

769
00:43:05,080 --> 00:43:08,720
Just my final thing I would say
is even though it takes brain

770
00:43:08,720 --> 00:43:12,120
energy, if you're at all
worried, if you're getting some

771
00:43:12,200 --> 00:43:15,560
messaging from yourself, your
inner system that there's

772
00:43:15,560 --> 00:43:19,040
something wrong, even if you
don't have the exact vocabulary

773
00:43:19,040 --> 00:43:23,280
or anything, trust yourself and
take time to ask yourself the

774
00:43:23,280 --> 00:43:26,720
question over and over again.
Why do I believe what is being

775
00:43:26,720 --> 00:43:28,680
said?
Why do I believe it?

776
00:43:29,120 --> 00:43:31,840
That's the key.
That's being very skeptical.

777
00:43:31,840 --> 00:43:34,600
And yes, it's time consuming and
takes energy, but it's worth it.

778
00:43:35,040 --> 00:43:37,640
And we know from our
conversation today that

779
00:43:37,640 --> 00:43:40,160
gaslighting loses power when
it's named.

780
00:43:40,680 --> 00:43:44,600
I hope that today we move from
some confusion to clarity, from

781
00:43:44,600 --> 00:43:48,280
isolation to shared
understanding, and from reaction

782
00:43:48,280 --> 00:43:51,600
to science informed action.
We recognize that these

783
00:43:51,600 --> 00:43:55,000
conversations are not easy.
They asked us to look at

784
00:43:55,000 --> 00:43:58,400
uncomfortable realities.
They asked us to speak up.

785
00:43:58,960 --> 00:44:02,360
They asked us to protect our
brains and the brains of others.

786
00:44:02,720 --> 00:44:06,240
Thank you to every person here
showing up as a choice.

787
00:44:06,680 --> 00:44:10,440
Learning the science is a
commitment and taking the steps

788
00:44:10,440 --> 00:44:13,040
to protect your brain is an act
of leadership.

789
00:44:13,480 --> 00:44:16,880
Awareness is the first step,
action is the next.

790
00:44:17,120 --> 00:44:19,800
Take good care of yourselves and
each other.

791
00:44:20,280 --> 00:44:23,760
Doctor Frazier, thank you for
sharing your brilliant brain and

792
00:44:23,760 --> 00:44:27,200
our neuronal community to launch
Brain Week 2026.

793
00:44:27,800 --> 00:44:31,400
We are grateful for the way you
lead with science, integrity,

794
00:44:31,400 --> 00:44:34,000
and conviction.
As a trusted friend of the

795
00:44:34,000 --> 00:44:38,080
Virtual Brain Health Center,
thank you for investing your

796
00:44:38,080 --> 00:44:41,480
time and energy into your
personal brain care by listening

797
00:44:41,480 --> 00:44:44,560
to today's episode of the Let's
Talk Brain Health Podcast.

798
00:44:44,960 --> 00:44:48,160
I hope our conversation gave you
fresh insights, a bit of

799
00:44:48,160 --> 00:44:51,920
inspiration, or practical steps
that you can take on your own

800
00:44:51,920 --> 00:44:55,120
personal brain care journey.
If you enjoyed today's

801
00:44:55,120 --> 00:44:58,360
conversation, I'd like to ask
you to please share this episode

802
00:44:58,360 --> 00:45:01,640
with someone who could benefit
from it or consider leaving us a

803
00:45:01,640 --> 00:45:04,720
review.
If you have questions or a topic

804
00:45:04,720 --> 00:45:07,840
in brain health you'd like me to
explore, please e-mail me

805
00:45:07,840 --> 00:45:11,960
anytime at podcast at
virtualbrainhealthcenter.com.

806
00:45:12,280 --> 00:45:15,880
I'd love to hear from you.
We have so many more exciting

807
00:45:15,880 --> 00:45:19,560
topics ahead, and I can't wait
to continue this lifelong

808
00:45:19,560 --> 00:45:22,560
journey of better brain health
together with you and our

809
00:45:22,560 --> 00:45:26,400
growing virtual community.
Until next time, remember to

810
00:45:26,400 --> 00:45:29,640
give your brain the care it
deserves and make your brain

811
00:45:29,640 --> 00:45:30,920
health a priority.

Dr. Jennifer Fraser, Ph.D. Profile Photo

Author, Founder & Consultant of The Bullied Brain

As an award-winning educator and innovative strategist, Jennifer’s evidence-based approach, grounded in brain science, informs and protects leadership. Her intervention and training prevent public crisis and proactively establish a healthy, happy, high-performing environment. An environment that replaces bullying with equity, diversity, and inclusion.

Having experienced the broken system first-hand, Jennifer has developed a new framework for bringing organizations into the 21st century with science-informed practices.

In the 1980s, we had the fitness revolution that transformed our understanding of the relationship between aerobic exercise and wellness. We are in a new revolutionary era due to scientists’ knowledge that we have neuroplasticity. We can change and strengthen our brains at any stage in our lives.

Grounded in the extensive research that fuels her new book The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health, Jennifer brings a brain-fitness revolution to her clients. They learn to exit the normalized bullying paradigm and enter into a new brain-informed “neuroparadigm.”

Research is clear that this change results in health and happiness, talent acquisition and retention, increased productivity and profits, higher performance and achievement.

Heather Elwell, MS, CCC-SLP Profile Photo

Speech Language Pathologist | Brain Health Coach

Heather Elwell, M.S., CCC-SLP is the Co-Host of the Neuro Nook (Book Club) and the Founder and CEO of Brain Health Mentors, where she supports people with proven lifestyle strategies to reduce the chances of getting dementia, improve mental clarity, and decrease brain fog. Drawing on her experience as a speech-language pathologist for over 25 years and as a health and wellness coach, she is passionate about teaching strategies to improve brain health. Heather has had the privilege to also be a speaker on brain health to organizations such as AARP, Raymond James, Tampa General Hospital, and the largest retirement community in the US, The Villages.